Old news.

This is an entry from a journal I started keeping last year, with the intention of publishing all the entries into a blog... Better late than never I suppose. 

Ironically, it talks briefly about my desire to work in Neuroscience research, specifically with high functioning brain disorders like Autism... Seriously. My life's purpose is to study the brains of people with this disorder because it fascinates me, and I think it's important that specific research is done into the causes of Autism/ Aspergers... Yet it never occurred to me that I may HAVE the disorder...

25/08/2013

I have decided to start keeping a journal. Key word: keeping! Not for any particular reason, but perhaps because one day someone might find it interesting. Aside from that, I think that it may assist me in organising my thoughts and ideas about certain (or all) aspects of my life. It strikes me that my brain seems to work in triple time in comparison to many of the people who surround me, and subsequently I find it difficult to speak to anybody about problems and issues that I am working through without ‘dumbing down’ what I am trying to say (which sounds dreadfully arrogant, but a better phrase fails me), or speaking at a rate that better enables them to follow my speed of thought. As a direct result, I find it exceedingly difficult to switch to effective academic writing without exhibiting the same features in my writing – rambling, tangential ‘wafflings’ that have little-to-no direct connection to the hypothesis I am defending. It seems to me that the most logical conclusion I can come to is that I am not exercising my brain enough to continue using it to its full capacity. Subsequently, I find myself repeating certain phrases in my research, and dancing around the point rather than readily processing the information at hand and presenting a succinct, condensed version of it.  

University has become a chore to me, rather than something that I enjoy as an exercise in measuring my own intellect against that of thousands others all vying for the ever elusive ‘top-spot’ in their specific academic fields. I figure that rather than using my brain to its full capacity I have started to utilise my ‘regular’ brain processes in all areas of my life, rendering me effectively ‘dumb’, in the medical context, and causing me to enter into a state of mental stagnation. The implications of this causal state have been detrimental to my university career, and I find my standards of work slipping at an alarming rate, while my grades follow suit. It would appear that I am at a point in my life where I need to make a choice; a choice that indicates what kind of person I want to be. I am, at present, a mother, a lover, a daughter, a sister and a friend. I aspire to continue to be all of these things, but also achieve to my full potential in my chosen field; at this stage in my career development that would be university, specifically the study of Aboriginal studies, but continuing (hopefully) to Cognitive Neuroscience in the not-too-distant-future. My ultimate goal is to enter into a career in research, and possibly further my studies into medicine/ neurosurgery. I wish to work primarily in cognitive brain therapy, alongside higher functioning brain disorders such as Autism Spectrum Disorder and other developmental delays in children as well as adults. I currently engage in no volunteer work, but I endeavor to rectify this in the future. My hope is to volunteer with Autism SA, and find a place within their fundraising committees, to better my understanding of the disorders that are covered by their organization, the people who are affected by them, and the effect living with those disorders has on familial relationships. Through this activity, I propose that my understanding will better able me to gauge whether I truly wish to engage in research in this field, or if I should shift my focus. Sorting out these aspects should better able me to determine my ultimate career path before entering the Behavioural Psychology (Cognitive Neuroscience) degree.

I've chosen to put this one out there today because I should find out if I've been accepted into the Cognitive Neuroscience degree by the end of this week (providing the university's admissions officers can get their act together). I also think it highlights a few other 'Asperger traits' - the extreme disorganisation of my thoughts and poor time management are two that spring particularly to mind. 

I'll update with good or bad news when I found out.